Communication is key to a healthy relationship, but some ways of communication are more effective than others. One of the ways we bring partners closer together at Sprout Family Clinics is by improving communication. If you feel your relationship can benefit from a therapist, consider our telehealth couples counseling that you can take remotely from anywhere.
In this blog post, we explain "I" statements and how they work in relationships. So without further ado, let's get started.
What Are I Statements?
"I" statements are a way of expressing your thoughts and feelings in a way that is respectful and non-blaming towards the other person. They are called "I" statements because they start with the word "I" and focus on your own perspective and experiences rather than accusing or blaming the other person.
Using "I" statements can help improve communication and reduce conflict in relationships. They can also help the other person better understand where you're coming from and encourage open and honest communication.
How To Use "I" Statements in Relationships
Using "I" statements can help improve communication and reduce conflict in relationships. Here's how to use "I" statements:
1. Start with the word "I" to express your thoughts and feelings. For example: "I feel hurt..."
2. Describe the behavior that is causing your feelings. For example: "I feel hurt when you dismiss my ideas."
3. Explain how the behavior affects you. For example: "I feel hurt and disrespected when you dismiss my ideas, and it makes me less likely to speak up in the future."
4. Avoid using "you" statements that directly blame the other person and make them feel confronted. For example, instead of saying, "You always dismiss my ideas," say, "I feel frustrated when my ideas are dismissed."
5. Use "I" statements to express your own perspective rather than trying to speak for the other person or assume their intentions. For example, instead of saying, "You don't care about my feelings," say, "I feel like you don't care about my feelings."
When "I" Statements Don't Work in Relationships
Different people in relationships can have different love languages and different ways of communicating their feelings. Different people can also have different ways of interpreting certain behaviors and actions. It may be difficult to understand the other person's perspective and alter your own behavior to accommodate the other person.
"I" statements can help, but couples find it difficult to get accustomed to this new way of communication. Converting their default mode of communication into "I" statements every time they speak can take a lot of effort. Couples tend not to use I statements when communicating, even when trying to adopt this tool.
When To Take Couple's Counseling
A professional therapist can work with you to effectively express each partner's particular concerns with "I" statements. They can also work with you to develop behavior patterns, so you're more likely to use I statement when you want to express your feelings.
Spout Family Clinics is a team of therapists that gives remote couples counseling, family counseling online therapy for depression, and other telehealth therapies in the US. Visit our therapy portal to book an appointment today!